Pastalon and Choice and Freedom

During one of those routine pick-ups from kindergarten last year, the teacher reported to me with a smile about Adam Ray's wake-up time from his nap, and added, "The day after tomorrow, anyone who wants can come in costume. Only if you want to."

I cataloged this as a trivial footnote. "Permission." Equivalent to "Anyone who wants can bring a teddy bear."

And so it happened that on "Fastelavn," Denmark's version of Purim, we sent Adam Ray to kindergarten dressed in pants and a shirt.

Of course, we have a memento from that day, lest we forget the embarrassment. A group photo where the entire kindergarten looks like a Hollywood movie set, and Adam Ray is sitting on the teacher's lap, dressed in a Delta outfit that his grandmother sent from Israel.

In Denmark, "free choice" is a deceptive concept.

On one hand, Danish society is super egalitarian and anti-authoritarian. On the other hand, it is a collective society that demands conformity.

When a Danish authority figure – a teacher, a doctor, or an educator – says that something is "completely up to you," they actually mean: "You’d better do this, and we expect you to do it, but we’re too polite to give orders."

Life far from home requires more than just learning a language. It demands developing an awareness of what is left unsaid, and recognizing the cultural filters we packed in our suitcase.

We never interpret reality as it is – but rather as we are.